What are some good jokes I can use as the host of my High School Talent Show?

I am a senior and am hosting my high school talent show along with another girl (also a senior) and i need some jokes but mainly witty humor/comments about all the acts. Im not sure what the acts are but there will probably be singing, dancing, playing instruments, maybe comedy acts, etc....Also I could do some witty banter with my co-host between acts. Please tell me all your ideas! Thanks!!

Here ya go...

Ok here is this guy, his name is Obama, you heard of him? Good.

Now this Obama guy walks into a bar on Miami Beach, South Beach if you know what I mean, with a parrot on his shoulder and an eye patch. Wait, noooo he just had the parrot. Anyway the bartenders yells across the room " Hey buddy where did you get that parrot?" To which the parrot replies "Kenya!"

You've been a wonderful audience, thank you very much!

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